My reception of the world feels overwhelming. I hear the sockets buzz. Pleasant sounds become intrusive. Unwanted thoughts make me feel sick, and it’s as if my blood is trying to escape through my veins. There’s an internal trembling tone ranging from happiness, anger, torture, fighting, and sensuality. I can’t handle this anymore; I just want calm. Suddenly, I feel like an animal freezing to survive, a soothing balm guiding me toward the light and breaking the cycles of destruction I’ve perpetuated for so long. Out of everywhere, a sense of serenity emerges—the emergency is gone. A purification of my being. It’s like comets melting and merging, tsunamis becoming still, and calm waters with a gentle trickle of love. In these moments, the gravity of understanding overwhelms me, and I am attuned to my love and empathy for the world, even in its hateful parts. If it’s a delusion, I’d rather remain unaware. Chaotic thoughts seem to find harmony with peace.
Some people spend years seeking non-dualism and never experience it. My ocean collides with rocky shores, painful yet undeniable. Yin and Yang begin to spin, God and Devil embrace, and passion dances actively through heaven, earth, hell, and beyond. All colors reflect from the white, absorbed by the black, while the whole spectrum remains intact, ensuring there’s always enough light for reflection. The plaster we’ve put up comes crashing down—a concept cosmology appreciated by very few, drenched in the peace many seek. Disorder becomes malleable, something I can work with, abundant with life and water, extinguishing the need for a flaming sword, filling feathers to mark down moments of seemingly eternal peace.
In this space, I seek wisdom to share with those struggling to find faith, including myself—individuals who suffer from division but now strive to mend fractures within families. It’s a journey of sons and daughters guiding their mothers and fathers, urging us all to evolve beyond hate and discouragement, replacing judgment with reconciliation
Through the eye of this needle, my mind’s eye struggles to hold focus. The aperture decreases, washing out and exaggerating this momentary enlightenment, like an image branded into my soul—a vision I cannot willingly return to.
I’m flung back into my current reality, where the walls are raised, yet nothing is fixed. Instantly, I’m aware of all the borders and points of demarcation keeping me from seeing the whole, the holiness I recognize. I get an uneasy feeling, rigid and bordered, as the intense gentleness I recently experienced begins to fade. Someday, I hope to know without the pain of doubt or the concept of separation. For now, I’ll hold on to a drop of hope amidst the sea of anguish. I won’t let momentary despair taint this seed or the land around it. While action and passion remain possible, I’ll strive to survive until it’s no longer meant to be. The past flows upstream, and there’s no point trying to swim back and regain lost moments. I’ll let nature guide my nature, placing my Will where it can be exercised without futility. When my mind is lost, my spirit reaches its peak of significance. Here, I find intelligent fertility, designated to design a better way to live and give. I’ll embrace space and time, knowing that resisting nature chips away at myself and everything around me. For now, I’ll strive to be comfortable with the order amidst the chaos. This Ordered Disorder has brought me that which I cherish most—a place where faith and fact harmonize.
For now, this is all that matters—taking the seeds stolen from the ethereal state of peace and planting them into the hearts of those I love, germinating the world with possibilities, passions, and the power to manifest a shield of love, even in the most contemptuous spaces. It may be a shot in the dark, but isn’t that what life on this pale blue dot is all about?